Stop Negative Self-Talk

Talking negatively about yourself can have a profound impact. You may not realize it, but the stress you add to your life by internally speaking negatively is a matter of perception rather than reality. The inspiration for this article came from my own issues with self-talk. I've found that I'm constantly defeated simply by telling myself that I can't do something or criticizing something I've already done. I've created a web of self-rejection in my life that sometimes feels impossible to overcome. But, if you'll bear with me, I would like to share some tips I've found that can help us all change the way we think (and talk) to achieve the things we've been telling ourselves we can't.

One thing to keep in mind is that the brain is a powerful organ. When we tell ourselves, "I can't handle this" or "this task is going to be difficult," more often than not, we produce exactly these results. To train your mind to start thinking differently, analyze the reasons you could be saying these things to yourself. Consider using these questions as a jumping off point:

• Are there any other ways that I could look at this situation?
• What else could this mean?
• If I were being positive, how would I perceive this situation?
• Is this situation as bad as I am making it out to be?
• What is the worst thing that could happen? How likely is it?
• What is the best thing that could happen?
• What is most likely to happen?
• Is there anything good about this situation?
• Will this matter in five years time?

Each time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed with the negative things you're telling yourself, refer to these questions to allow your brain to become rationally charged rather than emotionally.

Next, you'll want to begin practicing positive self-talk. Before I begin with techniques, I want you to know that whether you're speaking to someone else and calling yourself an idiot for doing something or whether you're criticizing yourself internally, both are forms of negative self-talk. You need to project these new techniques both inward and out. When you begin to use these techniques, it's important to use them in both cases.

If you've made a mistake at work, don't spend the rest of the day telling yourself how stupid you are and that you've ruined any opportunity for advancement. Turn it around into something rational by stating the truth.

"Next time, I'll double check to make sure there are no mistakes."

"Once my boss sees that I can write a flawless report, I'll definitely get that raise."

You've got to make the effort not to exaggerate the situation because you're being emotional. Easier said than done, but it only takes practice.

The same goes for conversations with others. Many times, we speak negatively about ourselves to other people in order to get the other person to refute the statement we've made. The confirmation of our self-worth needs to come from within. This begins with resisting the urge to portray ourselves in a bad light. When you're in conversations with others and you're tempted to tell them how stupid you are for doing something or how it's just like you to do something so ridiculous, turn it around just like mentioned above. If you're discussing a mistake you made, explain what you've learned from the experience and you'll try harder next time.

Because perception is reality, you've got to change your perception to create a good reality. Something that I've found very useful in learning to change the way I think is to lie to myself. I know it sounds terrible, but it's not. If you perceive something to be awful, it will be. So how about fooling yourself into liking it? We might dread going to the gym because we know we're going to sweat and be sore, all the while knowing it's necessary for our health. This makes it incredibly difficult to ever maintain a successful workout routine. The same can be said in our jobs. We might dread the fact that we've got a huge proposal to be done by the end of the day, making it difficult to even get out of bed. But, try focusing on all the amazing things that will result from this proposal. You'll be energized to get the proposal done and perpetuate the great things that are going to happen because of it.

All of this is within us. At the risk of sounding cliché, we really do control our own destiny. There will always be factors beyond our control, but it's how you deal with them and perceive them that determine your reality. Don't stifle your success by the way you think, feel and talk about yourself.