[sweetintelligence]

Working as a temp in many offices I have experienced my fair share of condescending people. I too am very patient but I am also very confident. You have to start believing in yourself and not letting anyone bring you down, which is what condescending people do, it is their goal. They need to feel superior and important but it takes an adult to get past that and understand that. It harder when you have to interact with this person throughout the day but if you can avoid them do so. Otherwise definitely let them know how you feel, remembering that we are all adults and manners matter at all times.

[miaalyss]

I have had to deal with condescending people plenty of times, myself being an EA and Sales Coordinator. Working in a hotel means there are plenty of department heads and plenty of big egos. I find that what works is not responding to their behavior. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one makes you feel inferior without your consent." If someone takes a condescending tone with me, I look them directly in the eye and speak to them as if I had not noticed their tone. You would be SO surprised at how humiliated they are that their attempts are not working.

Also, when people do things as an act of their superiority, I question them on it. For example, I have worked in my position for two years and I am fairly good at my job. Our new department head is rude and the most condescending person I have ever met. The other day she gave me a task and when I asked her for the due date (we are all EAs here, I'm sure you understand the importance of prioritizing), she made a sarcastic comment about it already being past due (not my fault, by the way). I told her I had other duties and I needed to know which ones to hold off on if need be and she then asked me for a list of what I had to do that day. This was all by e-mail, so upon receipt of her response, I went directly to her office, looked her straight in the eye and asked her why it was necessary to provide her with a list of my duties. I explained to her once more that I asked her for a due date in order to prioritize my tasks and that she did not need to look at my tasks herself, that I was capable of managing my own projects. She left me alone after that, but I'm just saying - their behavior works so long as you allow it.

[sweetintelligence]

Good for you miaalyss. It takes a real woman to not rely on email. People, especially condescending ones, will use any and all outlets besides face-to-face interactions. The know that their fasad will not hold up in person as well.

[Ms. Bridgette Jones]

Kill them with "kindness" LOL

Those type of people hate that and a sense of humor goes a long way
I find that those type of people will back down if you diffuse them before they can get too condescending etc...making smart remarks only eggs them on as they feel superior to you. Generally these types have low self-esteem so it makes them feel good to make you feel little.

Not taking it personally and not letting them see that they can get you upset generally takes the fun out of it for them. You are giving them power over you when you react and get upset. I had one person who was always like that with me and I just always smiled and when he got really out of control I'd kind of turn it on him and tease him and say things like "Are you trying to give me a hard time?" while smiling or "Sombody didn't get his Wheaties this morning" and believe it or not he kind of laughed and realized "I'm being an ass" and back offed off.

If you let that type of person bother you and you get too confrontational, they win and it will most likely get worse. Especially if they are your superior. There is a book called "Soft Power" which is a bit old but you can find it on Alibris and other sites. It's a great book about being assertive and taking control in a powerfully silent and non-confrontational way or using words that will ease conflict and put you in control (thus Soft Power).

[tabaccarootie]

I think there are a couple of ways to deal with such people. I have to deal with one colleague like that. One time we were having a discussion with someone else, and she rudely cut me off and belittled a question I had asked just out of curiosity. Hm, not cool.

Of course I didn't appreciate this, but I just ignore people like that and assume there's some underlying cause.

Well, there was. It turns out the girl is on anti-depressants. I knew another guy like that with whom I had to eventually cease communication.

So unfortunately, I think we all have to be the victim with these types of people once. How else will we find out they're like that unless we shut ourselves off completely? That's not a viable solution. So learn to recognize it, and then avoid the people completely. Let's face it, they're a ton of screwed-up people like that out there, and if I had the power, I'd throw them all in a landfill and bury them for good.

I once had a grade-school teacher tell me, "Mistakes made once are learning tools. Mistakes made twice are those of fools."

We all have to play the fool once in a while...why add another to the list because of some insecure pip-squeeks.

[JDHart]

All I can say is: BRAVO!!!!

[JDHart]

Of all the emails on this issue, I didn't see anyone say anything about practicing a response? If there is one person in particular, and you know what they are like on a daily basis, as well as know what they are likely to say, practice in front of a mirror as to what you would say to them. You don't have to be nasty, don't bring yourself down to their level, but make it apparent that you will not tolerate this type of abuse.

[Readmsc]

I would like to say thank you all for your advice, for the first time in my 18yrs as an Assistant; I am dealing with a condesending person, who happens to be the VP I support. I have been struggling with how to respond; I am a temp and would like to stay with the company but need to be able to get past his condesending tone. At all times I want to maintain professionalism; so hearing how others handled similar situations has helped me alot. Thank you all again for being candid and honest.

[johnmthompson]

Sometimes you just have to remember that when you fight with a pig you just get dirty and the pig enjoys it.

[Tauned]

I hold up my chinlift my eyebrows, stare over the top of my glasses, and say nothing to them until they feel uncomfortable or go away. Condescending behavior is not appropriate to the workplace. If they are approaching you with a real issue that needs to be dealth with, then by all means, deal the the issue professionally. By do give them the body language that tells them they are being inappropriate. If they are especially inappropriate, or are abusive, use the body language outlined above, in conjunction with the phrase, "Excuse me??"