[Kevin Cannella]

When someone is condescending to me I just feel the need to be more condescending back, but that is not socially appropriate, though the initial condescending behavior isn't either.

With careful choice of words, I know I can make it work.
Suggestions? Thoughts?

[Toni Breeden]

When dealing with condescending people at work, my tactic is usually to keep my thoughts and discussions focused and well-articulated. Most people talk down to others to make themselves appear smarter, more important or both. By maintaining my intelligence and keeping my overall tone completely professional, only one of us will come out of it appearing arrogant.

[badgergirl]

I have the issue that my co-worker not only has a vocal tone of condescension but also acts condescending. How can I deal with this co-worker without letting it built up into a big deal?

[Libby Huffman]

In my former position as an EA, I had to deal with an incredibly condescending sales rep. Never used my name, just sweetheart, and honey. He always tried to teach me about things he felt were "above my head." He drove me crazy. However, I always felt like I had the last laugh because every time he started gearing up to grace me with his infinite words of wisdom, I quickly reminded him that I knew way more about the subject than he. When he started joking around with me, I was wittier and even sometimes threw in a "honey" or a "sweetheart" when I addressed him. Not in a flirty way, in a...condescending way. So, I guess I fought condescension with condescension. This may not be the best way to get it done, but I have such a hard time with people like that. I completely empathize.

[Jackie Nees]

I always deal with people best in writing. I had a boss like the one Libby described and it was just one thing after another. He thought he was king of the world and everyone else didn't have a clue. I'm a very patient person, but there's only so much I can take. Finally I'd had enough of him talking to me like I didn't know anything when I knew ten times more than he ever would. I sent him an email before I left work one day telling him I didn't appreciate his tone or comments when he spoke to me and explained that I am very knowledgeable about the subject matter and have a lot of common sense. The next day he called me in his office and said he appreciated me letting him know and that he didn't realize he was doing it. He stopped for a week or two and started up again. It was one of the reasons I quit!

[bluemoon8118]

I had a co worker who was not only verbally condescending, but she also took credit for my work and blamed mistakes on me in front of the boss! This drove me nuts until I learned that she felt she was at risk (rightfully so) of losing her job. That totally explained the need to broadcast to the whole office each little task she finished (including phone calls and emails!). I eventually learned to take credit for my own work, and unfortunately that sometimes meant keeping her out of the loop on her own projects!

There is always a tactful and non-confrontational way to stand up for your self, its just a matter of figuring out the method. I was very happy with my results, and it saved me the awkwardness of confronting this very senior member of the staff.

Good luck!

[Patricia]

I read an excellent book on this by Bob Wall called "Working Relationships: The Simple Truth About Getting Along with Friends and Foes at Work". He pointed out that some people do not realize they are coming across negatively and some times it only takes someone to point it out to them and then they take notice and try to do something about it. Although, I just read jnees' post above and it didn't seem to work in her case.

I know I can be all business at times, but hopefully I don't come across as condescending. I think if someone said anything like that to me I would try to be more aware of my actions.

[jweavers]

A useful piece of advice recently given by a colleague - never give them advice, or ask their opinion. Both circumstances give them the opportunity to play the superior and put you down. Be removing these opportunities you are starving them of what they crave - the chance to inflate (their sadly depleted) egos.

[mike3381]

Quick Story about a condescending sales manager:

I am trying to buy a new car and decided for a moment on a Chevy Cobalt. The sales girl(I'll call her Jane) was so nice, she wasn't pushy and she simply answered my questions about the car. When I talked to her on the phone before coming in to see the car, she put me on with her front end sales manager(I'll call him Bob) who, "had questions for me." He asked me many questions that Jane already had the answers to and I asked that he get the info from her instead of from me. On this call he informed me that I would be able to get $2,000 cash back on the car, if credit qualified. The following day I was going to be going in to see the car and when I called to make an appointment with Jane, Bob again insisted on talking to me. He told me I had said this and that, none of which was true and I asked he please talk to Jane b/c she had all the info he would need. He then asked that when I come in to please ask for him and he would be happy to show me the car. At this time Bob told me if credit qualified I would also qualify for 0%. He also said he could get me to (X) price. At this time I did some math and figured out a range of price I should be offered, assuming tax, tags, title, a dealer fee and commission for the dealership and Jane. What he quoted me was higher but I figured there was some room to work with. I set up a time with Bob, between 12:45-1:00, he said that would be perfect. when I got to the dealership @ 12:45, Bob was in a meeting. Jane was kind enough to take me out in the car and she really had me sold. Then as I was sitting and waiting for Bob to come help, I noticed Bob came behind me to go out back and help another customer that just came up, he was looking at a more expensive car. Finally at 1:45, Bob strolled over to the desk, threw down his papers, kicked up his feet (no apology for being an hour late) and said, "Ok I can get you in at (Y)", this price was higher then the one he just quoted me earlier that day. I said, "Bob you just told me (X) earlier today and now you are giving me a higher number and even (X) seemed high after calculating $2,000 back and 0%", he then told me for the first time, "it is one or the other". I told him this price was not going to work, he threw his hands in the air and said I knew you were going to be difficult from the moment you walked in. I got up walked out and will never go back or recommend the dealership to anyone.

He was the most condescending person I have ever encountered as a customer.

[ateags]

I think in every work place you are going to come across someone with an inflated ego who feels the need to talk down, to someone. I have been in the shoe's of the one who get's the condescending blows and the only way I deal, is by perfecting my work. In my situation it would do no good to tell the person that what they are saying is not appreciated, only because this work environment does not bode well for such behavior. But as someone who has managerial studies under their belt, I'm still amazed that people in higher authority feel the need, or feel it's okay, to speak to people "beneath them" in such a manner.

In sum, I believe the best way to deal with condescending comments is to communicate. I know in certain situations that is close to impossible, but I believe it is the one tool and skill we have in order to change a situation. I guess it's too bad that people lack good communication skills, which is where the condescending tone may come from.... just a thought.