[Ange Jones]

HI

I run a team of eight staff over two different sites made up of two teams of four.
I have been lucky enough in my time as a manager to have positive friendly people woking for me who get along in the normal fashion with the usual disputes which tend to get aired openly and after a bit of sometimes heated debate a resolution is found without any lingering resentment.
I have a situation at the moment with two of my team members who cannot get along there is a deep resentment between the two of them and it is steadily growing
I have tried mediation I have had both parties in and had an open and honest discussion after which I left them alone to have a private discussion in an attempt to resolve this issue.
This seemed to do the trick for a couple of weeks but we are now back to square one and quite frankly I am at a loss as what to do

it is now affecting the other girls in the office and you can cut the atmosphere with a knife I even had a comment from a visitor the other day on "the tension in the air"
These are two middleaged women of total opposite personalities one is quiet, timid and gets quite upset whereas the other is quite aggressive in her nature who makes comments (hopefully) without realizing what she has said but has become more and more personal in the nature of her remarks
I now feel in a situation that this has become a case of office bullying as the more timid lady is getting upset about coming into work as she "doesnt know what mood the other one will be in" and I feel if I let it continue I will be negligent in my duty of care to my staff

Does anyone have any advise to give me as to where I can go with this to help resolve this issue once and for all I have considered drawing up an office charter on how we treat each other and getting my team to contribute to gain their buy in and hope this strikes a cord

Kind Regards

Ange

[jord0205]

I think this is a classic case of the 'aggressive' one not realizing how the other is perceiving her comments. Even if she doesn't mean it the way it sounds, it still sounds that way. I think there are a couple of ways to deal with this.
First, move their responsibilities so they don't have to work together too closely.
Second, let them know there is zero-tolerance for disrespectful behavior in the office. And let them know what the consequences will be if this policy is not adhered to.
Third, If you really do think this has turned into bullying you need to sit down with the employee and HR to have a serious discussion about how it effects not only the relationship between the two, but also the entire office and visitors who come in. It is unacceptable to allow visitors to feel uncomfortable.

Also, if the 'timid' one is just perceiving the comments in the wrong way she needs to know that you support her to tell the other co-worker if she found it offensive/intimidating/disrepectful and so on. Sometimes personalities clash and people need to let it go and accept differences of opinion.

[Ange Jones]

Thanks for this I do tend to agree with you that things are said without the realization of the effect it has on others
Unfortunatley we are a finance department so moving them is not an option else I would have jumped at this immediately short of putting one of them in my office with me my hands are tied here
I think I will take your advice and convey the message of zero tolerance and also try to encourage open discussion between the two as and when the issues arise

I love my Job but am the first to admit I am uncomfortable with conflict and handling situations such as this are not my strong point

Thanks again for your help

Kind Regards

Ange

[Chrissy Scivicque]

Hi Ange,
Wow. It definitely seems like you have an issue on your hands. First off, your idea of creating a "charter" is great. I think you should definitely move on that - and I like that you want to get everyone involved in the process. I might even consider making it a "contract" of sorts. Something where everyone who works there agrees to abide by this code of conduct. If someone breaches the code, you can start documenting and coaching that one person.

It sounds like this is a serious issue that does need to be addressed. If it is, in fact, reaching the point of "bullying" it is your duty as a manager to effectively deal with that person. This means: give them a warning, give them a written warning, and then let them go. Follow your company's outlined procedures or contact your HR rep for assistance.

The woman who is feeling upset about coming into the office may be a little overly sensitive, but its still your responsibility to create an atmosphere where everyone feels safe. Yes, personality differences happen in the workplace. And just because someone is a little more "loud" they shouldn't be punished. But if this person is being aggressive, and possibly intimidating others, it has to be dealt with.

Ultimately, if one person is effecting the entire group, it's not fair. Try letting that one person know that she's having a huge impact on the group - and she can use that power for good or for evil. If she's saying things that are hurtful and she doesn't even realize it, she needs to do some very serious self-analysis. In the real world, you have to be aware of how your words and actions impact people. And you have to have a certain level of social grace - meaning, if someone you work with is timid and easily hurt, be delicate. That's a necessary social skill that is needed in the workplace.

Perhaps some one-on-one coaching with her would be helpful. You could also do a little one-on-one with the other person, in an attempt to teach her the value of growing a thick skin and letting things roll of your back. It sounds like both of these people have some personal work to do. Their relationship might not actually be the right area on which to focus.

Best of luck to you! I've been in this exact same situation (thankfully, I was not involved, nor was I the supervisor in charge) and the end result is that the more "aggressive" personality ended up getting fired. I felt conflicted at the time, but looking back, there was no other solution. When the whole team is put in a bad situation because of one person, you have to make a good faith attempt to fix the problem and then, you have to take care of your team. You have a tough road ahead but I'm sure you'll make the right decisions.