[MRankins]

Re: How to deal with a whinner?

People who do this are like spoiled children the longer they whine the more likely the parent to give in to shut them up, stop being an enabler, just sit back and ignore them and see what happens.

[Thornapple]

Originally Posted by simsong

Help! I have this staff who is just an unhappy person and whatever you do to accommodate and be understanding it is just not right or not enough.

Oft times the whiner is feeling inadequate or left out, and getting sympathy is the only why he/she knows to get the attention wanted. Try getting this person involved. Find out what is good about him/her and utilize those skills in some special way that gets the good attention sent his way.

Be sure you don't try to "one up" this person with what has happened in your life. That just keeps it going.


Linda Williams
Training Consultant

[analaura]

Why don't you ask "what should we do to make it better", as soon as they have to be involved, they stop the whine because they don't want the responsibility.

[jodilslca]

Originally Posted by simsong

Help! I have this staff who is just an unhappy person and whatever you do to accommodate and be understanding it is just not right or not enough.

Sometimes,You just can't change a person personality.The glass will always be half empty .I have decided after years of listening to un-happy negative people- to tell them the truth.I can't please you so what would you do if you were in my situation.Usually they give you some answer about changing something that makes absolutely no sense.I then politely tell them that there are other jobs out there if they are miserable maybe they should look elsewhere.Sometimes it works and sometimes it does'nt.

[lstange]

My husband (who has been out of work for over a year) listened to me whine about work the other day and then told me this story: A man came home every day to his disabled wife and would share how his day went. After one particularly stressful week, all he seemed to do was complain and whine. His wife commented something to the effect of "at least you have a job to go to." It really quieted him down---me as well!

[rufina]

Originally Posted by simsong

Help! I have this staff who is just an unhappy person and whatever you do to accommodate and be understanding it is just not right or not enough.

Please stop entertaining this person. You have to get tough if you have tried everything else. Be firm and assertive. In these difficult times, it is shape up or ship out.

[cfaraone]

Originally Posted by simsong

Help! I have this staff who is just an unhappy person and whatever you do to accommodate and be understanding it is just not right or not enough.

Your associate is self-consumed and can not see outside their cubicle. This person apparently does not see how their behavior affects the rest of your team.

You could have a meeting with this person and ask what could be changed to help them; do they have any ideas they would like to share, etc. When given the challenge of being part of the solution, their attitude improves.

Good luck

[Excelerator]

Acknowledge the whiner. Say "I hear what you're saying and I'm wondering if you are unhappy with this one thing or just more generally unhappy with lots of things, and it's not clear to me whether you want me to help you improve something or if you just want to vent. I'd be glad to help you brainstorm some solutions if that's what you want. If you just need to vent, how about you vent for three minutes, then we move on?" If they choose to vent, clock the three minutes, then say, "okay, it's been three minutes, time to change the subject."

You will be amazed at how effective this is. It's also a good idea to let the whiner know that the whining is not working for you. Just say it. "I don't know what to do. What you have to say strikes me as very negative and stuck, and it makes me uncomfortable, bored, or whatever it makes you." Own the feelings. Let them own the feeling, too, and the consequences.

Best, E.

[griseldar21482]

Had a close encounter with nasty negative person. I attempted to be positive and approached her regarding her negative attitude but it seemed to have gotten worst. She even told me herself that she is labeled as the office "B...."Since I have tried being nice and professional I have decided that the best thing to do is to ignore her. Unless, I really have to interact with her I tried to keep my distance. It has gotten so bad that I have complained to my boss about her.

[lifecoach]

Ask them to call again when they have three 'can do' solutions to their whine!