[adi_cfw]

Originally Posted by simsong

Help! I have this staff who is just an unhappy person and whatever you do to accommodate and be understanding it is just not right or not enough.

Compassion is the focus I would suggest to use with this person, even though the behavior may be annoying. In our current world there are overwhelming stressors that often induce depression which may be the root cause of the whining. The person is possibly in need of help and support and may not know any other way to obtain it.

If possible, try to influence the individual to seek counseling in the area of greatest concern. (ie: if money is an issue, seek out financial counseling, for issues with elderly parents, seek out support groups or online chat groups with similar problems to gain insights and ideas, etc...)

We really do need more kindness and caring in everyday life, especially in the workplace where we spend more concentrated awake time than anywhere else. I prefer promoting a more compassionate attitude towards all of our coworkers, even the crabbiest ones in the group.

What goes around, comes around!

[ilc]

Originally Posted by Calait

I stay away from them too. I have one on my team who is never, ever happy. Even after I made some changes to our procedures to address some of her complaints, she still wasn't happy. So now I try to limit my contact with her. Negative people are extremely draining.

Some people are addicted to negativity and being positive is unnatural to them. Maybe recommend they speak to a doctor or one of those work-provided counsellors (if they're available at your place of employment). Speaking to a professional therapist would definitely help.

Hi,

I'm a newbie here and wanted to reply as I relate to this situation. When I started at my present job, I became close friends with another woman in a different department. She was gossipy and extremely negative. She hated the woman she worked with and every single day, she would message me or talk about how unhappy she was, and how this woman would just cause her world to turn upside down.

I tried to sound positive, change the subject, encouraged her to talk to this person, see the good in this woman, or talk to her supervisor or HR dept, if all else fails. Well, she was starting to depress me and I found myself becoming very negative and gossipy.

Thankfully, I caught myself in time, and made the very difficult decision to distance myself from her. This was hard, since everyone knew we sat together at lunch every single day.

Now, we are cordial to one another, but not good friends. She has "latched" on to someone else.

By the way, the "woman" she found so horrific? I found the time to really get to know her, and she was NOT as bad as I was led to believe! I even spoke to her in private and apologized for not getting to know her better, and just taking someone else's word for it. It took a lot of courage, but even my husband was proud of the way I handled it. This "woman" was very appreciative and touched that I took the time to clear the air.

Now, having learned a valuable lesson, I am not influenced my other's opinions, no matter how strong they are.

And, this former friend, yes, she continues to be very whiny and negative (some people never change).

Thanks for listening!

[Aurora82]

Originally Posted by simsong

Help! I have this staff who is just an unhappy person and whatever you do to accommodate and be understanding it is just not right or not enough.

While there are people out there who whine and moan about everything, there are equally people who genuinely have issues and problems and yet are never listened to. We had a girl who worked with us who would complain that she couldn't cope and had too much work on. She eventually broke down and ran out of the office for the last time.
Not everyone can have an eternally optimistic, cheery disposition, and at a time when mental well-being is paramount, I think managers have a duty of care to these employees who are struggling. Stress and depression can't be shooed away, and while it may not be your responsibility to take on the problems of your colleagues, the matter should at least be relayed to a senior who can perhaps offer a solution or speak to the colleague in question.
Its all too convenient to ignore those who look set to bring you down, but if I was feeling down and tried to intimate this to a colleague, only to be told that they were fantastic and were having a great day, then that would leave me feeling even more isolated - you've essentially dismissed someone's feelings just because its not convenient or doesn't fit in with your mindset.

[SayjeMage]

In all honesty - I've started treating them the way I treat my daughter when she does it.

"I don't understand what you're saying." I say this every time a whine starts coming out, and you know what - she stops whining because it's not getting her what she wants and then she's ready to be honest and really tell me "Mommy, I want this/that."

It's the same way at the office, and unfortunately, as a supervisor we have to be the mom/dad/confidant/therapist - etc...to people we have less of an emotional investment with. Trust me when I say, I don't want to have to spend that much time in people that I don't really care about. But at the end of the day, I find that it's the fastest and easiest way to get folks come to their truth. They'll either change and work with you, or they won't and you deal with that behavior accordingly.

In a lot of cases, the person should have never been hired in the first place. I suggest reading Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott. It's very entertaining, and has helped me a great deal in dealing not only with whiners, but worse - Colluders.

[Fifilamour]

My office whiner complains about the same thing everyday. "I'm really busy, so stressed, so much work to do and now the [xyz's] have gone out my workload will double." Problem is the team this person belongs to receives minimal calls a day with admin work balancing out the rest of the day. One of her team members has a more positive attitude. The feedback from them is the job is easy, are always up to date and often they are bored because they have done all their work. (Don't worry I checked their work is up to scratch and all feedback has been positive.) This person came from an environment of taking 120 calls a day plus doing admin work and is now taking 30-40 calls max a day plus a similar amount of admin work, no wonder they think this job is a breeze. Alot of the time it's all about perception but with my whiner no matter how I manage them and assist them they just cannot seem to stop being negative. I'm their manager so I need to speak with them everyday but I plan what I'm going to talk about before approaching them, this doesn't always work. They are an expert whiner and I don't know how they do it but they always manage to squeeze in something negative. I aim to ignore the negative comments without ignoring the person.