[simsong]

Help! I have this staff who is just an unhappy person and whatever you do to accommodate and be understanding it is just not right or not enough.

[Tess Price, PhD]

Hi SimSong,

Don't you just HATE a Whiner? It makes me think of the old Saturday Night Live sketch with The Whiners. Unfortunately, there just isn't much you can do with them to please them and my advice would to just don't worry about pleasing them.

Actually, they are trying to control you with their whining. Somewhere along the line, they found someone with whom whining worked for them. Someone catered to their needs when they whined and they are what my grandmother used to call "spoiled."

I know if they are your staff, this may be hard to do, but I would ignore their whining. Think of it this way, you just don't have the time or energy to spend pleasing them, so don't try. If they are learn they are unsuccessful at getting you to respond to their whining, eventually they will have to give up.

But if you have lost all your patience and can't wait for them to grow up, you could deal with it directly. You could take them aside next time they whine and just let them know that you will not change your mind about the thing they are unhappy about. They will need to accept it or not, but that you have made a decision you will not change just for them.

Those are just my initial thoughts. Perhaps someone else has dealt with this and could offer some advice. Ultimately, don't let the whiner control the outcome of your decisions.

Let us know how this works out for you.

[teetez]

this is great advice, wish i read this sooner...

[Amethyst]

Whenever that person starts whining about their gloomy day, outlook, life, etc. just respond with something very upbeat, quick, and then disengage and walk away; such as: Gloomy says, "My life is so dull, boring, and all the world is against me". You say, "Well I'm having an absolutely fabulous day. And now I must get back to work". Trust me, when they realize that you are not going to participate in their daily pity party and that you are A-OK, they will back off and go whine on somebody else's shoulder!

[Robin Holtson]

I agree with Tess; they've probably manipulated someone in their past (perhaps as a child, they cried or whined to get their parents' attention, etc.). Unfortunately for this individual, it is a learned trait, and something only professional counseling can help. I would stop accommodating them immediately. You don't mention if your company has an HR manager or director. If the situation escalates, do not hesitate to bring this to their attention.

[pcagner]

In my experience this is a situaton very diffcult to win, but possible. What I have done in the past that has been successful with a chronic whiner/crybaby is to treat them like a spoiled child. I kept the relationship extremely professional, I did not demand results but I expected them. I basically weaned the person off the high horse like you do a puppy from there mother. Little by little. First start with baby steps. I kept the daily tasks the same but used a psychological approach by just arranging them differently. basically beating the whiner to the punch thus taking away any reason to whine. 1 Example is simpifying there job so that there is no way for overtime, but there is just enough managable stressfree work to be accomplished in the day, as to where they can't whine that they are overworked. On the otherhand, also taking away the overtime inadvertantly, so if they want to make there same Money they will have to step up to the plate, and ask. Now they realize you are the one who has control on the wallet. the3 second is to smother them in Kindness. I make it a Point to smile, say good morning, take two strokes before a poke. I make it hard for the person to be a complainer, evenm ake them feel sypathetic to there behavior. If all else fails transfer them or give them a project Solo so they have no one to whine to, but themselves.

[angelface]

Originally Posted by simsong

Help! I have this staff who is just an unhappy person and whatever you do to accommodate and be understanding it is just not right or not enough.

Stay far away from that person has much as office perimeters allow...Misery Loves Company

Seriously, maybe you should try talking to them and get down to the bottom of why they are not happy. If it's work related, then maybe some things can changed. You never know what's really wrong unless you have a discussion about it.

[tomtrevathan]

Tess is 100% correct. Be positive, but make the best decision for the firm, and expect the "whiner" to step up and do their part.

[Calait]

I stay away from them too. I have one on my team who is never, ever happy. Even after I made some changes to our procedures to address some of her complaints, she still wasn't happy. So now I try to limit my contact with her. Negative people are extremely draining.

Some people are addicted to negativity and being positive is unnatural to them. Maybe recommend they speak to a doctor or one of those work-provided counsellors (if they're available at your place of employment). Speaking to a professional therapist would definitely help.

[jrbum1]

Originally Posted by simsong

Help! I have this staff who is just an unhappy person and whatever you do to accommodate and be understanding it is just not right or not enough.

If I have tried to be positive and encouraging to this person to no avail, I would probably tell them to "grow up" and stop focusing on themselves! This person should be professional enough to get over their personal insecurities and get with the program.