Give Up Gossip For Good

Have you heard?? Gossip is ruining your career! It's true. And yet, we all do it at times. Why? What's the draw? And what's wrong with a little harmless gossip anyway?

Here's the low down about why we do it and what it's doing to us:

What is Gossip?

Gossip is idle chitchat that typically involves discussing others. It's not always intended to be malicious or slanderous, but it often ends up that way. It's a form of socializing, sharing "information" and killing time.

Why Do We Gossip?

1. We're Human

Let's face it - gossip is totally natural. Humans are social creatures. We discuss things, analyze things, and share what we know with others. We like to get together and exchange information. We are constantly hungry to know more about what's going on around us.

2. Instant Bond

Gossip creates an instant bond for many people - a shared secret and, at times, a common enemy. As humans, we're constantly looking for ways to connect with others. Gossip gives us an easy way to do this. It creates cliques and groups, rivals and allies. Many friendships, from childhood through adulthood, are based on gossip - the mutual sharing of secrets. Of course, many enemies are formed from gossip as well.

3. Feeling "In the Know"

People love to feel that they know what's up. We all want to be an integral part the world around us. When we gossip, we're expressing our desire to understand our surroundings. It's a very natural instinct. No one likes to feel in the dark - it's dangerous and disorienting. Gossip is our way of gathering more information to help us interpret what is happening around us. Unfortunately, it's unreliable information. So we may feel "in the know" but gossip rarely truly informs us.

Why is Gossip Bad for Your Career?

1. It Wastes Time

Gossip is the ultimate waste of time. It distracts our mental and physical energy. It soaks up time and is completely unproductive. When you're gossiping, you're not working.

2. It Kills Relationships

Gossip creates an unspoken tension in any office. Even if you think you're the most discrete gossip gal, you're not fooling anyone. What goes around, comes around. Talking about others doesn't go unnoticed. And just remember, when you start gossiping with co-workers, you have no secrets and no friends. As quickly as you talk about others, they will start talking about you. That's just the way it works. If you want to see team morale fall to an all time low, gossip is the way to do it. No one wants to be a part of a team that talks behind their back.

3. Acting on Unreliable Information

Gossip can hurt your career if you decide to act on the unreliable information you hear from others. It can be hard to remember that gossip is not always true. If you hear something that gets your emotions stirred up, you may have a difficult time controlling yourself. You may change the way you act towards co-workers or superiors based on untrue rumors and you might not even notice it! Before you know it, you might let the untrue information slip to someone else and suddenly, you're the one spreading lies around the office. Gossip can really damage your reputation and your personal integrity.

What To Do?

1. Don't Be Silent

I learned a long time ago that it doesn't work to just listen when someone is gossiping. If you've made the commitment not to gossip at work and a co-worker tries to drag you into a catty conversation, silence is not going to solve the problem. Silence can mean two things: acceptance and agreement. By not saying anything, you're essentially saying, "I agree with you. I accept what you're saying."

I used to have a co-worker who constantly complained about how much she hated her job and our boss. She would talk about him all the time - how he was so mean, and never listened, and gave us too much work. I tried for a long time to just be silent and I wondered why she never just left me alone. I wasn't responding. So why was she constantly whining to me? The answer was obvious: my silence was telling her it was ok.

2. Take a Stand

The biggest tool you have in stopping gossip is to be completely straight forward about it. Tell your co-workers that gossip can be so hurtful; you just don't want to be a part of it. Make it a group effort to give up gossip for good. If that doesn't work, you can just remove yourself from the situation. Walk away if you have to. Don't just sit there accepting it after you've expressed your desire to see it end. It may also be helpful to ask your boss to hold a meeting for everyone to discuss how gossip is hurting the workplace. You can ask that your request be kept confidential and then, no one will view you as being the "gossip police".