How to be a Good Listener

Listening skills are like good looks - everybody thinks they have them but we can't all be right. So even if you think you're a good listener, you can probably learn something from this article.

It's my opinion that good listening skills are both underappreciated and very much lacking in our society. Being a good listener is a very powerful communication tool. There are a number of reasons to fine tune your listening skills - almost any interaction you have with people will benefit from it. Likewise, poor listening skills will always be a detriment, especially in the professional world. Failure to listen appropriately can mean missing or misunderstanding important details. It can also mean misinterpreting the true intentions of others. Hearing the words someone is saying is not the same as really listening.

Try the following tricks to help improve how you listen:

Be an active listener

This is a structured form of listening that involves focusing attention on the speaker. Avoid distractions and concentrate on the person. As an active listener, stop frequently to repeat what you have just heard them say. This will verify that you are understanding them correctly.

Don't just wait for your turn

People often don't hear what others are saying because they're too busy mentally structuring what they will say next. This happens especially when people are engaged in a conflict and they're distracted by making a point and "winning" the argument. This is counterproductive and leads to a complete communication breakdown. When someone senses that you're not listening, they typically get defensive and the situation escalates.

Use non-verbal signals to show you are listening

Show you are interested by using your body - keep eye contact with the person speaking, nod and smile appropriately. In a business meeting you may want to take notes - but don't get distracted by trying to write down every word. Keep it simple if you choose to do this. Also, pay attention to the speaker's body language. You can often learn a lot by noting their demeanor: are they gesturing wildly or do they seem subdued? Non-verbal cues are an important part of human communication, so don't ignore them.

Set aside preconceived notions

Going into a discussion with strong opinions will limit your ability to hear what others are saying. You will constantly be comparing them to you and assigning them to a side - do they agree or disagree? If you really want to hear someone you need an open mind.

Ask questions

It's always a good idea to ask questions, even when you think you've listened and understood everything perfectly. It helps ensure mutual understanding between both parties and keeps you from assuming things. How you ask a question can also be important. Some questions can make people feel pressured or defensive. Consider the following: "You didn't like that movie did you?" "Do I look fat it this?" These questions aren't helpful to the communication process. Use questions to clarify meaning or encourage elaboration. Keeping them open ended makes the answers you get more informative.

When in doubt, just remember the old saying: you're given two ears and only one mouth for a reason - do twice as much listening as you do talking.