Dear Lisa,

I just landed a new job and am anxious to do well. I work for an executive that can be intimidating, yet he is extremely good at his job. I am also working with two other executive assistants who have been at the company a long time. They are amazing and I'm in awe of their abilities and skills. I have caught myself throwing out compliments right and left, but I'm afraid it might be coming off as brown-nosing.

I want to build a strong working relationship with the boss and the other admins. How can I let them know how much I admire their talents without looking like the office kiss-up?

- Sue

Dear Sue,

There is a risk in giving compliments face-to-face in the workplace simply because the recipient may assume you are indulging in obsequious pandering to achieve your own greedy goals. This is especially the case when we are new on the job. It's a sad reality about compliments. If we give our boss a big fat compliment in the middle of the management team meeting, he (and most likely everyone else in the room) will probably think you're brown-nosing for sure. So, what's the solution? Do we simply forego sincerity?

Not at all. Instead, use the grapevine approach. The grapevine is most associated with workplace gossip, but actually, the term has long been a trusted means of communication and has its roots in the Civil War when the generals would string up telegraph wires between infantry camps. All the wires strung loosely between the trees took on the appearance of "grapevines." There is an old joke that one of the best ways to spread news was "telephone, telegraph and tell-a woman!"

Good news can also travel through a grapevine and when it arrives at the recipient's ear, it is all the more appreciated. Thomas Fuller in 1732 wrote, "He's my friend that speaks well of me behind my back." We are more apt to trust someone who says nice things about us when we aren't listening than someone who flatters us to our face.

Instead of giving the compliments directly to the assistants and the boss, tell someone who is close to them. For example, in the lunchroom you might say to a close associate of one of the assistants, "Becky is such a dynamite assistant. I'm so anxious to learn from her. She's sets a great example for me." Odds are your comment will get back to Becky along the grapevine within 24 hours.

A compliment one hears is never as exciting as the one he overhears. Use the tell-a-friend approach and you will escape the possible suspicion that you are trying to win brownie points. You also leave others with the idea that you are telling the whole company about their greatness!

One more little tip: Whenever you hear a complimentary comment about someone else, pass it on. One communications expert calls this being a "carrier pigeon" of good feelings. I love this idea. We are often so ready to fly high and fast to spread bad gossip and bad news, but instead let's practice carrying good news. Keep your ears open for good things people say about each other. Here's where this benefits you: Everyone loves the bearer of glad tidings. When you bring a co-worker kudos via third-party, they will appreciate you as much as the complimenter. These are gossip encounters of the best kind!