Learning How to Say No

It's easy to be a pushover at work. It doesn't take much effort to be agreeable and just do exactly what you're told. But where does that get you at the end of the day?

For those of us who have a hard time saying no (and believe me, I've been there and I still struggle with it at times), the problems can be enormous. People will continue piling work on you relentlessly because, hey - you keep doing it! They'll talk you into taking on projects that aren't your responsibility, they'll pressure into doing the job no one else wants, and before you know it you'll be buying the whole gang lunch because you couldn't find a way to say no. In some serious circumstances, you may even find yourself put in a compromising situation, with your integrity and reputation on the line; all because you didn't have the backbone to stand up to someone who wanted you to do something you knew deep down that you shouldn't.

Though there are many times when it is appropriate to say "No" in the workplace, here are a few of the more common instances:

• You are feeling overwhelmed and unable to keep up with your workload
• You feel the work is irrelevant or unnecessary to your job
• You believe the work would be more appropriately handled by another individual
• You feel your workload is unfair or inappropriate
• You feel the work you are being asked to do is unethical or conflicts with your personal morals

Face it: you know when you should say "No". You feel it deep in the gut. But something stops you. I think there are two basic reasons people don't say "No" when they should.

1) It's easier to say "Yes"

Yes is positive. No is negative. We're taught that we should be positive and enthusiastic in the workplace. We're told that you have to prove yourself, be willing to get your hands dirty, be a go-getter who's willing to do anything to move up.
Well, this is all true to a point. Of course you want to be positive and enthusiastic. But you have to set boundaries in order to gain respect. While you definitely should be willing to work hard, learn new things and challenge yourself, you have to decide for yourself what your limits are. You also have to know when your limits have been reached. Of course, you must also make them realistic and appropriate.

2) Fear of "No"

Many people hold a deep fear of the word "No". It feels like a punishment to hear it (probably a scar from childhood) and it feels mean to say it. They're also afraid of the consequences of saying "No". They think that it will enrage the person they say it to. Ultimately, people don't say "No" at work because they fear losing their jobs. While I can't speak for every job out there, I can say with a high degree of confidence that this is highly unlikely if you are saying "No" in a respectful, professional manner.

How to Say "No" Appropriately

Most people worry that if they say "No" and set limits for themselves, they will end up sounding rude, or lazy, or stubborn, or arrogant, or any-number-of-things. However, there is an appropriate way to say "No" in the workplace:

• Be respectful and professional
• Explain the reason - be heartfelt and honest
• Show a sincere desire to solve the problem - offer alternatives
• Discuss the matter with a supervisor if you feel uncomfortable

Example:
John, I wish I could take over that project for you. It sounds very interesting and I know you could use the help. Unfortunately, my workload just doesn't allow for it right now. I'm actually feeling a little overwhelmed as it is. Maybe next time I can help you out. For now, you might want to talk to Patricia. I know she is very knowledgeable on that topic. Maybe she can help you get going.

See how easy that was?

As someone who works with a very clear "boss", I approach this somewhat differently (and you may too). However, the overall theme remains the same. When I feel I have to say "No", I follow all of the above points and simply end my statement with a question such as, "Is that understandable?" or "Will that work for your needs?" I like to offer my boss the ultimate control while, in reality, I've stated my feelings and set my limits very clearly. It simply allows for conversation should he feel the need to "push" the issue - which is (thankfully) quite rare.
I'd love to hear some feedback and some other ideas for how you guys handle this sort of thing in your offices. I think it's an issue that comes up often and we all could use some pointers on the delicate art of saying "No". Please contribute in the discussion!