Talking is only Half the Conversation

Do you do more than half the talking when you're in conversations with others? If so, you are probably suffering from one of the most common communication ailments - poor listening.

All too often, we don't engage in the total listening process; instead, we "tune in" only to what we want to hear and "tune out" all the rest. As a result, we completely miss some of the most vital elements in our exchanges with others.

For years, psychologists and counselors have maintained that the reason many of our interpersonal relationships fail is that we don't listen to one another. Today, we recognize that the effects of poor listening reach well beyond our social lives into our work lives.

Executives of many major corporations are beginning to recognize that ineffective listening is costly. Recent studies show that poor listening results in wasted money, inefficient use of time, decreased productivity, and a decrease in employee morale.

Good listening involves much more than just hearing what is being said.

Try these tips to enhance your own listening skills:

Capitalizing on the difference between thought speed and speech speed. We can think about 500 words per minute while the normal speaking rate is about 125 - 150 words per minute. Use your extra "thought time" to mentally review and summarize what you have heard.

Listen for main ideas:

Main ideas are often stated in the title of a speech or toward the beginning of a message. They are often those ideas that are repeated throughout the message or stated in a summary.

Listen for significant details:

Pay close attention to examples, statistics, analogies, anecdotes, definitions, descriptions and references to reliable sources. Speakers often use these to support their main ideas.

Be an effective note taker:

• Maintain good posture - sit upright and be alert.
• Don't begin taking notes too soon. First determine the speaker's organizational pattern so you can structure your notes accordingly.
• Try to write without losing eye contact with the speaker.
• Be brief: write down any key ideas and significant supportive details.
• Review and summarize your notes soon after the speaker has concluded.

Listen with Understanding:

Try to see the message from the speaker's frame of reference. Concentrate on what you are hearing, not on how you are going to respond.

Listen for emotional appeals:

Recognize when a speaker is substituting logic and rationality with arguments that are strictly emotional.

Recognize your own biases:

The more we know about ourselves and our own biases, the less likely we will be to let those biases act as barriers to the listening process.