May Challenge: Becoming a Boundary Hunter

Several years ago, my family and I took a weekend trip to the Northern California coast. There were some breathtaking views along the rugged coast where the Redwood trees met the ocean. Some of the trails along the edge of the cliff were quite dangerous and required careful navigation. I remember feeling like I was teetering back and forth on the narrow path while trying to maintain focus. There's a word we use for this: balance.

The Zen Zone

I've always struggled with the term "work-life balance." I've attended my share of powerful workshops and read countless articles on the topic. For some reason, I've never been able to buy into the notion of the balancing act, despite some very creative ideas presented by gurus of the subject. They often prescribed more "me"-time, or a new challenge, or some other tried-and-true, balance-bingo activity. That just never made any sense to me. If I take on more "me" or work time, won't I just have to give more to something else?

Well, I've finally come to the epiphanal conclusion that what I seek isn't balance at all. It's harmony. Harmony denotes a "pleasing arrangement of parts; an inner calm." As administrative professionals, we pride ourselves on giving our very best to everything we do. But, sometimes, the speed of life makes for fuzzy boundaries between work and personal lives. This month's challenge is all about starting a revolution - a revolt against the notion of balance and a new look at embracing harmony.

So, how do we get into this Zen zone? Do you remember the movie "Field of Dreams," where the little voice kept calling, "If you build it, they will come?" Well, let's chant our own harmony mantra for the month of May and say, "If you set boundaries, harmony will come."

The Challenge

For the month of May (and hopefully beyond!), I want you to remove the word "balance" from your vocabulary - unless you're talking about your checkbook. Balance, schmallence! Practice the following boundary-setting strategies so you feel more harmonious with yourself, your career and your life.

Realize that it's OK to set boundaries. Harmony comes not from trying to give equal shares of yourself to your obligations, but by being flexible and congruent with your priorities. Stop trying to give 50/50 to your career and personal life. That's a math myth that no longer computes!

I don't know about you, but I laugh when I think of all of the crazy antics I tried to create the balance I thought was possible. It seemed that I took on more (exercise programs, Jazzercise, yoga, PTA opportunities, you name it!) in order to find balance! So, in an effort to keep you from busting your balance bubbles, start these strategies today and commit to them for the month:

1. Listen to your emotions.

If you're frustrated, annoyed, angry or disillusioned, it might be a sign that you're having trouble setting boundaries. Know the lines you won't cross and commit to not crossing them. Pay attention to the triggers that usually signal your "out-of-balance" moments. Catch yourself from going to the dark side!

2. Remember: Honesty is the best policy.

Be upfront about family constraints with your co-workers and clients early on. Also, be completely honest with your children about your commitments. I would highly recommend reading Suzy Welch's new book, 10-10-10, which is based on the powerful question, "What will the consequences of my decision be in 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years?" She gives some terrific personal examples of how she used this rule in her own life. Too often, we simply expect our family to understand our work obligations without really explaining the consequences to them.

3. Say "no," and then remind yourself why you said it!

Saying "no" to work-related events, which conflict with your family's evening or weekend schedule, isn't a career-killer. Be known as someone who is flexible, but principled. Principled people say "no" and then let it go. They don't beat themselves up for saying it and then project that guilt onto their family, friends and acquaintances. That's an example of the stigma of the balancing act - why do we always feel so guilty?

4. Compromise works. Compromise is the root of harmony.

Leaving a client dinner early for a personal or family obligation is O.K. Really! Wouldn't you rather be known as someone who is comfortable making that harmonious choice, rather than oozing guilt and having people whisper, "It's late! I wonder why Susan doesn't get home to her family?" Think about it. Imagine how it would sound if they instead heard, "It's been a great evening. I hate to say goodnight before the dinner's over; however, I want to get home to read my daughter her bed-time story." Now that's harmonious!

5. Don't talk trash.

Boundary-pushers usually know when they're crossing a line - your line. Don't respond with accusations. Stick to your principles and continue to walk into the halo of harmony! Your example will pave the way for others to learn the art of personal harmony.

So, let's start the harmony revolution! Life should be about feeling joy and being our best. And, we can't be our best when we're consistently trying to balance the scales. Start this challenge today and experience the pleasing arrangement of all the parts of your life!

Lisa Olsen provides OfficeArrow members with down-to-earth career advice from her extensive experience as a Career Consultant. An author, trainer, speaker and consultant, Lisa's dedication to building relationship chemistry and helping people power up their potential has been the catalyst for her own success. Learn more about Lisa and her services, including keynote addresses, resume revision, and on-site professional development training here.