Ask the Career Consultant: Networking on the Shy

Dear Lisa:

I'm a really shy person and have a difficult time practicing some of the latest and greatest networking techniques. I'm job searching and recognize the value of networking, but it seems so overwhelming! Just the thought of it makes my hands sweat and my pulse race - not in a good way! Do you have any useful networking tips for shy people like me?

- Shy and Quiet

Dear S & Q:

I am confident that you're not alone in your fear of traditional networking techniques. Walking into a room full of hundreds of people can cause some people to go into shock and crawl to the nearest corner for relief.

But, relax! There are several basic and effective ways to get started on developing your networking skills. Networking continues to be an effective way to promote yourself, especially during these challenging economic times. So, how can a shy person maximize the power of networking without having to dance on tabletops or recite canned elevator speeches? Here are several useful and nonthreatening tactics that you can start utilizing today:

1. Start Small: The idea of approaching people in large groups intimidates many people. Begin your networking efforts by seeking out familiar faces, such as relatives and friends. Demystify the process by starting with known contacts; this will help you get over the hurdle. Tell your friends or relatives that you're working on developing your networking skills. To gain more confidence, be sure to practice conversations.

2. Don't Apologize: Shy folks and less-experienced networkers tend to apologize when asking for help. They view asking for help as an imposition, instead of an opportunity to build relationships. Apologizing demonstrates a lack of professionalism.

3. Remember the Wisdom of Dale Carnegie: Dale Carnegie is the guru of making friends out of strangers. How to Win Friends and Influence People, his classic 1936 bestseller, should be on every shy person's bookshelf. Here a just a few Carnegie Classics:

• Smile: People don't think about the power of a simple smile.
• Ask a question: Joining a group engaged in a conversation can be awkward. The best way to do so is to pose a question to the group. You increase your credibility by asking a question, and for a shy person, that's much easier than trying to barge in with an opinion.
• Listen: People love to talk about themselves. If you can get people to discuss their experiences and opinions, and listen with sincere interest, you can productively converse without having to say much at all!
• Business cards: Always have them handy, but don't greet others by shoving your card into their hands. Wait for the appropriate time, and politely ask for their card first.
• Say the person's name: People like to hear their own name. When you meet someone, use their name in conversation. Doing so makes the other person feel more comfortable.

4. Be Yourself: Many introverted people believe that they have to act like an extrovert in networking situations. However, this is a myth. While you do have to make an effort, you don't need to be artificial. The "schmoozers" usually don't have the right intent. They are not interested in helping other people. Be the authentic, humble, shy person you are. Don't try to be something you are not. It's okay to be a little awkward - just don't keep apologizing for it.

5. Tap into Your Passions: Join clubs and attend events that relate to your personal interests and activities. If you're a wine connoisseur, attend a wine-tasting event. Are you an avid reader? Join a book club. Don't limit yourself to one particular type of event or conference. The advantage of engaging in activities you enjoy as a networking technique is that it makes conversation so much easier. So, while you're discussing the plot of Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns, ask the person with whom you are chatting for her name and her line of work. Attending functions where you feel comfortable will help you put your best foot forward. Until you've developed stronger networking skills, avoid situations where you may feel stressed, overwhelmed or distracted from your mission. After all, when you discuss your interests and passions, you will light up and appear more engaging.

6. Ask for Introductions: Peter Handal, Dale Carnegie and Associates' chairman and CEO, says that shy conference-goers tend to link onto one other person for the duration of the meeting. Unfortunately, this defeats the purpose of networking. Handal recommends asking your buddy if they know anyone else and, if so, to make introductions on your behalf. This is nice way for shy people to meet others.

7. Be Generous: Because shy people often feel that they don't have anything significant to offer those who help them, such as a contact or job prospect, they may hesitate to meet others. However, remember: Sincere interest in the other person is a form of generosity and goes a long way. Be authentic, share your passions, and help others feel good about themselves - that's all you have to do to network.

8. Be Prepared: If you're worried about getting tongue-tied or freezing up in a social setting, prepare yourself in advance. Think of questions ahead of time and have clear, concise responses ready for ones that you may be asked.

9. Get Over the Fear of Rejection: You will encounter people who can't or won't want to help you. Don't take it personally or dwell on it.

Don't try to put all of these tips into practice at once! Go slow. Focus on one or two to get started. Keep a journal of your experiences and monitor your interactions. However, if you religiously and consistently employ a few of these simple techniques, you will soon be on your way to effective and stress-free networking!

Lisa Olsen provides OfficeArrow members with down-to-earth career advice from her extensive experience as a Career Consultant. An author, trainer, speaker and consultant, Lisa's dedication to building relationship chemistry and helping people power up their potential has been the catalyst for her own success. Learn more about Lisa and her services, including keynote addresses, resume revision, and on-site professional development training here.