The Career Consultant's September Challenge: Stop Talking!

I have a great friend and colleague in Pennsylvania who is knowledgeable on "all things communication." I have learned much from her honesty, integrity and ability to use words with clarity. She is gifted with speech and language. It's her trademark, so to speak (no pun intended!).

But what if all of a sudden my friend didn't have this talent available for an extended period of time? Well, just last week, I received a detailed message (that's an important "detail" in the story!) relating an accident she had at home. She fell and seriously damaged her jaw bones. She is literally wired shut for at least 6 weeks, unable to speak at all.

My friend's unfortunate accident got me thinking: what if we practiced just not talking sometimes? Would we learn something new? Would we gain insight into another's perspective or personality? This month's challenge offers us the opportunity to practice one of most difficult skills in the workplace today. Drumroll please......the art of listening. That's right. Just shutting up (sorry for being so blunt here!) and opening our ears to what others may teach us, what is going on in the world around us, and even more enlightening, what our own little voice is trying to tell us. There is a unique balance required between listening and talking, but I have discovered that the more listening I do, the less talking is needed to have positive influence over colleagues, friends and family.

Active listening is defined as intent to "listen for meaning."

When interacting, people often are not listening attentively to one another. We get distracted, think about other things, or think about what we are going to say next (and it seems we never are at a loss for something to say!) This is especially true in conflict situations or disagreements (think teenagers and spouses).

Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding to others. It focuses attention on the speaker. Suspending one's own frame of reference and suspending judgment are important in order to fully attend to the speaker.

The Challenge:

1. Select one day a week for the month to practice listening. Really listening.

2. Focus on one or two people that you generally have difficulty communicating with effectively in the workplace.

3. Keep a "Listening Journal" to document your experiences. Note reactions, your emotions and even the things you say, or don't say. Pay attention to body language and tone of voice. How effective was the communication?

4. Follow these steps to practice active listening:

• Look at the person, and suspend other things you are doing.
• Listen not merely to the words, but the feeling content.
• Be sincerely interested in what the other person is talking about. 
• Restate what the person said in your own words, for example, "What I heard you say is..."
• Ask clarification questions once in a while. 
• Be aware of your own feelings and strong opinions. 
• If you have to state your views, say them only after you have listened.
  

5. Avoid the temptation to interrupt and turn the conversation to yourself and your issues. This challenge is about putting your ears on and tuning in to other people.

6. Listen to the Dr. Laura Radio program at least three times this month. Even if you are NOT a fan, it's one of the best communication lessons on how people have difficulty getting to the point and just how well Dr. Laura listens for facts and content. And, sometimes, she isn't always the best listener, either!

7. Active listening is truly an art, and few people have mastered it well. I challenge you to work on this skill and promise you that if you put in the time, energy (and it takes energy to listen well) and patience required to be an effective listener, you will quickly win friends and influence people - because everyone wants to be listened to.

Lisa Olsen provides OfficeArrow members with down-to-earth career advice from her extensive experience as a Career Consultant. An author, trainer, speaker and consultant, Lisa's dedication to building relationship chemistry and helping people power up their potential has been the catalyst for her own success. Learn more about Lisa and her services, including keynote addresses, resume revision, and on-site professional development training here.